Real Housewives of Orange County Recap – 9/26/16

It’s hard sometimes to figure out who you can make yourself root for, isn’t it? I mean, on the one hand, you’ve got someone who seems to have a rather tenuous relationship with the truth. There are scores of examples throughout the years that illustrate (at best) some colorful evasiveness and (at worst) some boldly bellowed lies. How can you feel comfortable putting your trust into a person so many people emphatically don’t trust? On the other side, though, stands a raving lunatic. The word “bombastic” comes to mind when this face graces the television screen. Every single time this person speaks, rage bursts out along with some spittle. Worse than having to wipe your cheek from all that airborne saliva is attempting to decipher what it is that’s even being said since apparently about 90% of this individual’s statements and proclamations are chronically misinterpreted. Don’t be silly! you’ll be told. Nobody was being insulted! Of course that thing that was said, the one that caused entire populations to cower in both fear and disgust, … Continue reading

Real Housewives of Orange County Recap – 9/12/16

Before anyone loses their sh*t too completely because Meghan and Shannon did not immediately teleport themselves to a hospital in the desert so they could hold the hand of a wounded liar, allow us to consider some of the many reasons that perhaps prompted them not to go:

1. They needed time to make a casserole. 2. Meghan gazed deeply into her husband’s eyes, saw what she believed was a sparkle, and realized the glistening shimmer covering his pupils meant there was a possibility he was going to attempt to be kind to her for fifteen whole minutes that day. Since such an event happens less frequently than an eclipse, there was no way she was gonna miss it to go hang out with Vicki f*cking Gunvalson. 3. Shannon – though she was blessedly not a passenger on the Vomit RV to Hell where some sh*t-talking about her vow renewal ceremony went down – knows Vicki well enough to realize how emphatically not happy Vicki is that Shannon’s life is improving and therefore doesn’t want … Continue reading

Real Housewives of Orange County Recap – 9/5/16

Sure, sometimes I allude to the possibility that the crazy cruelty, incessant idiocy, and stomach-churning hatred heaved out into the world by our Real Housewives of Orange County could bring about the kind of fiery day of reckoning Tamra studies with her personal trainer/spiritual guru while she’s doing burpees. Yes, I’ve suggested Vicki pantomiming the act of nailing herself to a crucifix during a party in Newport Beach might very well lead to Catholicism as a whole shutting down just so the religion’s followers do not have to be in any way associated with a creature I’m pretty sure was thought up by Satan himself after a particularly rough week. And okay, fine – I’ve called some of these women morons and lunatics and Mephistopheles’ assh*le. I’ve giggled uncontrollably just glancing at the hideous purses Gretchen once thought would make her a millionaire and I’ve gone on record saying I’d rather drink the urine of a possum in heat than ever so much as taste Vicki’s Wines By Wives. I stand by those comments; they’re … Continue reading