Real Housewives of Orange County Recap – 10/24/16

Ed Gein was the kind of guy who liked to keep salt, pepper, and a cupful of human noses on his kitchen table at all times. In the (quite literal) dead of night, he often went tromping about his vast Wisconsin property, his cold breath releasing puffs of misshapen mini clouds from his mouth while the skins of the neighbor he’d recently murdered or dug up from the local cemetery flapped against his body. (I’m guessing those extra skins served to keep him slightly warm, much like that light nylon jacket I love, the one I try to keep wearing until I break out into the sort of shakes and shivers that remind me it’s about to be November in New York.) But back to Ed Gein. He allegedly was only able to recall killing a couple of his victims – like the lady from the hardware store he disemboweled in his kitchen – but he claimed that most of his other atrocities were committed while he was steeped in a heavy haze.

Many … Continue reading

Real Housewives of Orange County Recap – 10/17/16

It was just the other day when I found myself in the middle of a totally peculiar conversation with a kid who recently transferred from another district. Having to change schools at any point can be an anxiety-ridden exercise in pure misery, but I think it’s probably the most difficult when you’re about to begin your very last year of high school. I want this student to feel welcome here – comfortable – so part of my morning routine now involves chatting with him during those flurried few minutes before the bell rings. I often attempt to bring other kids into our conversation and then I gently walk away once I’m certain this newbie is happily interacting with some guy or girl he didn’t know before last week.

As the first month of the academic year flew by, I was able to witness things falling into place socially for this student. He was starting to feel at home in a brand new place. He was beginning to make friends. I’d see him walking down … Continue reading

Real Housewives of Orange County Recap – 10/10/16

Let us ponder for a moment, shall we, some of the monumental and soul-crushing events that have already taken place during THE ANNUAL REAL HOUSEWIVES VACATION TO AN UNKNOWN LAND BECAUSE WATCHING THESE WOMEN FIGHT ON THEIR HOME TURF HAS BECOME TEDIOUS:

1. Stranded on a boat in Amsterdam, Lisa Rinna actually formed and then said the words, “You’re a winner, Kim Richards!” because she was painfully aware that Kim Richards hated her enough to set her on fire and then snort her ashes to make all the evidence go away.

2. While surrounded by water and therefore rendered weaponless (besides the knives that live in Bethenny’s mouth), the New York crew bore witness to Kelly Bensimon gnawing the heads off gummy bears, not figuring out how to open a door, and eventually losing her entire f*cking mind in a stunning bipolar episode that she decided to then call “a breakthrough.”

3. Reclining in a hot tub in Colorado with Kyle and her own scarily-jutting clavicle, Taylor alluded to the physical abuse within her marriage. … Continue reading

October 11th, 2016 | No Comments | Posted in Uncategorized