More wine tasting; Tammy is back negotiating with the father/daughter duo that is not having sex and Vic gets bored so starts trying on jackets made out of shag carpet toilet seat covers. “Drinking more wine just makes Tammy more drunk, not a better business partner,” sniffs Vic. Ooh, snap! And with that, Vic takes off for dinner in LA with a bunch of her real friends, a social event she has been planning for six months. Six months? Let’s think for a second: what is six months from now? November 13th, -ish. That is very far away. It’s a Tuesday. Maybe we will have pot roast. Putting it in my calendar now.
Tammy comes out of the wine shed to confront Vic about her general attitude problem this whole excursion and specific failure to engage with the wine tasting in favor of her vodka enterprise. Puberty Lydia moderates ineffectively. “You’re not performing!” Tammy accuses. “Please, you think you’re performing?” snaps Vic. “Go get happy somewhere!” “You’re such a bitch!” Tammy snarls. Ooh, she used a bad word! Puberty Lydia’s gonna tell Mama Dubrow! Mama Dubrow thinks they need a time out and a “meeting”. Vic takes off and Tammy asks the people from the vineyard who was right. Tammy was, they assure her. Tammy can’t believe that Vic planned a dinner six months ago right in the middle of her wine tasting. Who put chocolate in my peanut butter? Waaaaaah!
While Tammy whines, Mama and Papa Dubrow take a marital break out behind the shed. “Are we okay?” Dr. Terry asks. Of course you aren’t, you asshat: you just told all Heather’s fake friends, not to mention the general viewing public, all about your very worst married fight ever. Perfectly mortifying. Terry’s explanation is that he didn’t want the group to think she was overreacting to his behavior. No, it would be so much better to tell them that he’s really the biggest dickhead on the planet, and then take off his hat to prove it. Heather calmly, and intelligently, explains that “the punitive nature of the conversation is like a slap”, which is about the best articulation possible of what’s wrong with cavalierly threatening your wife with divorce. Heather “needs to hit the pause button” and resume dealing with the aftermath of this in a week or two when things settle down. I admire her self-possession: I personally cannot put anything aside until it has been rehashed into a tiny crushed-up ball of its original self. The Malibu Wine Outing thus comes to an end.
The wine tasting and dinner date behind her, we resume with Vic back at work where she’s stuffing envelopes, which seems to be the only thing she does at her big girl job. Does she even have a computer at this place? Here comes Briana and the baby for a visit. Briana is tired; the baby sleeps all day and is up all night – motherhood is a beautiful thing but “also sucks”. You have to sleep when the baby sleeps, Briana! It’s not like you’ve got other panthangers demanding your attention. Oh wait, there’s one, and she just had fat injected into her face.
So, panthanger, how was the wine tasting? Vic complains that Tammy “overpowered” her, so she left for the dinner she’d planned. “Oh, right, three months ago,” says Briana. So now it’s three months? Busted! And Tammy called her a bad name. “Tammy doesn’t know a class act – she only knows anger,” says Vic. Vic questions what Tammy says about her behind her back if she will call her a bitch to her face. I don’t know why she’s wondering – she’s got many seasons of ITMs to review if she needs to catch up. Mr. Andy can send Vic the tapes. Briana wonders if she should let Troy sleep in his car seat since he likes it there. Vic is aghast. Honey, I know people who put their kid in the car seat IN the crib. I know people who put their kid in the car seat on top of the dryer, turn the dial to “don’t stop”, and shut the door. They do use a monitor. If it works, it works. Now take a nap, after you order a Miracle Blanket.
Speaking of Tammy, she and Eddie have left Eddie’s “inner beaner” behind and are out for sushi tonight. They discuss progress at the gym, which is behind schedule and only half the floor is in. Tammy fumes that Vic is throwing the whole schedule off because Tammy has to drink wine by herself while Eddie rides his bike. All of a sudden Tammy starts blathering about her anger management issues – that she has a hard time talking about her feelings because she never has, so instead she bottles it up until she explodes. She gets legitimately angry (that’s her opinion), but she handles it badly (no duh). Eddie thinks she needs to change. I am bewildered by this sudden burst of self-awareness.
Next time: here comes Lauri Waring Peterson to stir the pot! Lex goes to acting class, and Dr. Terry plays Mr. Mom while Heather is Hot In Cleveland. Pucker up, Betty White!
Written by:
Elizabeth Spilotro
Website: www.thislittlemama.com
Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/thislittlemama
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/This-Little-Mama/245392435770
Your recap was brilliant! And so right on the spot!
Too many, “oh my God, thislittlemana sees and gets everything” to name!
Thank you again, truly enjoy reading your recaps!