Morning dawns at the Chateau Dubrow, and when it does it dawns early and dark. Today is the first day for filming of Heather’s guest spot on “Hot in Cleveland”, so Dr. Terry is taking his first tentative steps down the road to marital redemption by trying to help and not hamper the morning routine. He is, however, allowing the daughter named Max to eat frozen pancakes for breakfast and leaving it to Heather to make sure Max has all the leotards and other paraphernalia she needs for the day while he takes just one of four to school. Does the son not go to the same school as his twin? Kind of weird.
Meanwhile, Tammy’s trying to move the wedding and her storyline along by meeting Lauri Waring Peterson to pick out wedding bands. She wants to get black diamonds for Eddie which is just so chachi I am covering my ears and eyes. Lauri strolls in to assure Tammy that the third time is a charm, and Tammy comments on how great Lauri looks. I am not sure I see what she’s seeing. Lauri still looks like a cocker spaniel that got punched in the face if you ask me. I’ve always been a little concerned that her nose looks like that due to a history of domestic violence, and to be honest I can’t remember the details of the very start of RHOC well enough to know whether that’s part of her deal, or just a really bad nose job. The hair, though, really could use an update regardless.
So Lauri has been married for 5.5 years, and despite ugly rumors that she cheated on George says everything is just ducky and they have been too busy this whole time blending their families to take the long-discussed honeymoon to Dubai or wherever is today’s flavor of the day. Lauri shares that her youngest kid whose name is Brielle or something has 2.5 more years at home and is a competitive horseback rider; her older daughter, Ashley, is 28 and “doing great” at something unspecified, and her famously heroin-addicted son, Josh, has been sober for quite some time, is married to some lucky girl, and has a baby on the way. That’s nice – I know a lot of people have wanted to know how things turned out with Josh.
Lauri makes a joke about how Tammy should just buy Vic and Donn1’s vow renewal bands, opening the door nicely to a gossip session about that Vic. Lauri doesn’t see her, and Tammy tells her that she and Vic had a falling out because Tammy had reservations about Donn2 and thought it was absurd that Vic could question and challenge her former husband, Simon, and his controlling treatment of Tammy, but Tammy couldn’t do the same when the shoe was on the other foot, ultimately significantly contributing to the end of the Barney marriage. That Vic is the reigning queen of the vast kingdom of Hypocrisy, is she not? Lauri totally gets it, because she was Vic’s employee and they had a geniune friendship as long as Lauri’s love life was a sad state of disaster, but as soon as she met George Vic tried to sabotage their relationship. Lauri thinks that Vic is so unhappy that she wants to bring down others, as misery loves company. I don’t think any rings got picked out, chachi or otherwise.
On the sunnier side of the street, Puberty Lydia is sorting through kid photos on the floor (she’s always sitting on the floor, isn’t she?) when Mama Judy shows up. I need to work on a good name for her – suggestions, please! Mama lives right across the street, which is a good thing and a bad thing. In talking about old family photos the conversation naturally turns to mom’s old days as a pot smoking semi-lesbian with brown hair. Mama confesses that she still has the “occasional night puff”, which makes Puberty Lydia super mad. She feels she spent her childhood enduring an impaired, out of control, absent mother, and wants her mom to be healthy and happy and free of the pot cough. Mama doesn’t like PL’s expectations and tells her in no uncertain terms that she prefers to live in “the land of the bunnies”. Mama is covered in glitter again, but other than that generally seems much more lucid than when we first met her which makes me wonder.
So up in LA, Heather’s on set for the “table read” with the official cast of “Hot in Cleveland”. Star Wendie Malick is very welcoming, and Valerie Bertinelli seems perfectly friendly and still has the same big dog hair she’s always had. I remember during “One Day at a Time” I thought she had the most awesome hair. Now I think having the same awesome hair you had in 1979 should give a girl pause. The creator stops by to say hello and she has to be sooo pissed that this side shot shows major tummy pooch. There’s BETTY WHITE! In a pajama top, God bless her! Thank you for being a friend, Betty White! The plot of this particular episode seems to have Heather playing – surprise! – a Real Housewife of Tampa/St. Pete or something like that. You knew that was coming. “I will cut you like bad bangs, bitch!” is the major line. Good times.
Suggested nickname for Lydia’s mother – Puff Mommy. . .
Puff mama. That’s a good one auntie. Little MaMa how about Puberty Lydia ‘s mom can be called Mari Wanna Mama, cause she be wanna have some herb to smoke or MaMa Jonesen because she’s Jonesen for a hit of pot .
Make sure you mention Assy (every time I Read that name. I chuckle outloud) the part where she is at the coffee shop and orders her food by saying “I’ll DO a banana please” I know it’s trendy to order food that way but it just sounded stupid when she said it. Love your recap. Will you be doing the Kardashians? I think they start next week.
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