Donn2 tries again and here’s what he’s got: “I didn’t tell your husband anything that I am not sorry for.” What the hell is that supposed to mean? Oh, it means he admits to having told Ryan, among other things, that Ryan should beat Briana’s ass to get her into line in a drunken conversation that was recorded and is on Ryan’s cell phone in Afghanistan. Donn2 insists this remark was taken out of context but Briana points out that the conversation was 45 minutes long so what context is missing? Perhaps the part where he also announced he himself ought to beat Vic’s ass for not barreling up to LA to pick his drunk ass up? Instead, Donn2 insists that Briana has made up shit about him so his anger must be her fault. Jem can’t take another second of this and walks offstage.
Assy intervenes and says she thinks Vic needs to listen to the recording and decide for herself what it says about Donn2, which seems fair enough except Vic refuses to do it. Donn2 keeps digging himself a hole insisting that Briana and Ryan were supposed to let Vic live her life and subjugate herself and her bank account to him all she wants but they keep badgering her into not doing it. Briana shrilly announces that she “won’t stand for abuse”, so if that’s badgering, fine.
At this point the Tammy Rage-O-Meter is in the dangerously purple range. She shares with all that she once had lunch with Donn2 and told him that if he ever hurt Vic she would have to hurt him – so is she gonna do it? Donn2 looks a little frightened. “What else do we need to know?” Tammy demands of Vic. Tammy tells Vic that she is making excuses for Donn2 and calls her out as being weak and crying all the time. And: Briana told Tammy about vicious texts Donn2 sends Vic calling her fat and ugly. Vic acts shocked and first insists Donn2 has never sent such texts, before begging him to assure her he doesn’t think she’s fat OR ugly. Is she suddenly terrified he’s sent texts calling her fat and ugly directly to Briana? Some amazing relationship.
Heather tells us that her mother always said never to date anyone “inappropriate” because you just might fall for them and then you are stuck, so perhaps, she gently but firmly suggests to Vic, it’s time to move on. Gretch, however, doesn’t want Vic to be denied being with the person she loves. A glimmer of hope! A supporter through the storm! Yes! Vic says: she so deeply admires Gretch and Slade’s perseverance and dedication to each other, even when “the world” hated Slade! Well, it wasn’t exactly “the world” that hated Slade, argues Gretch. “Oh yes,” insists Vic. “The whole wide world!” And now everyone likes Slade, because Gretch is just sooooooo happy. And Gretch wants Vic to be too. Thanks so much for keeping hope alive, Gretch.
So with that, Donn2 leaves dramatically and emotionally. He loves Vic enough to let her go, he says, and they decided to end things together. Or, he decided they should end things together, but she’s still clinging and panicked that this is her one shot at true, painful, humiliating love and now she’s losing it. And then what? Vic would be alone? It seems to me that Vic would do better coupled up with one of Kandi Burruss’ sex appliances than partnered with a living, breathing human being. Dysfunction junction, what’s your function? Donn2 slowly lumbers up the Laverne stairs and Vic collapses in a cantaloupe heap, or collapses to the extent possible since she can’t bend in that dress. All the ‘Wives huddle around her in a sympathetic embrace except Gretch, who perches on her couch and stares skeptically like she’s supervising the Subway sandwich artist make her lunch. I said NO pickles, dammit!
So how do we all feel now that it’s over, asks Mr. Andy? Jem, who is not meant for this world, feels “punched in the head”. Assy feels bad for a lot of people for what’s happened and how friendships have changed, but there’s always next year, right? Heather thinks this was a mix, but for her it was all pretty good so hey! Tammy thinks overall this was her best year – she got married and has a new friend! Gretch says it turned out different than she expected – she was hurt by people and attacked, when she had thought she’d be the queen bee of season 8. And Vic? Well, all Vic can think or talk about is of course Donn2. He had good intentions, and she still insists he never hurt her. But she will rise again, oh yes she will.
And like silicone leaking from a breast implant, so the eighth season of RHOC slides off into the great beyond. Thanks for reading, and be sure to keep up with me and my thoughts on some other really classy reality TV over at thislittlemama.com! Cheers!
Written by:
Elizabeth Spilotro
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