Heather and Terry are – as ever – really good and fun sports. They shake hands with the NASCAR superstars and go for a ride in one of the cars and happily retire to the suite to have some champagne while Jim makes sure to introduce himself to everyone he passes by using both his first and his last name, lest anyone not be aware that they are currently meeting a baseball legend. In the suite, Meghan and Heather chat before the others arrive and it comes out that Vicki sent Meghan some pretty harsh texts following her dinner with Shannon. “Shame on you for insinuating that Brooks does not have cancer,” texted Vicki, and I obviously understand why the whoo-hoo lady is not whoo-hooing about any of this, just as I understand why Heather is nervous that the next event that’s coming up will be at her house and everyone will be there including Vicki and I guess it’s a good thing that the paint in Heather’s new home hasn’t been completed yet so she won’t have to worry about how to permanently remove the remnants of Meghan’s spleen from her kitchen walls once Vicki gets her claws into the thirty year old.
Before Vicki can have at her, Meghan still has to get through a day at the races with Tamra, Shannon, and their always-happy husbands, and she has to do it without Heather who must leave early. I suppose that it’s a good thing that Meghan’s only expectation for Shannon’s behavior is that the behavior will be inconsistent since it’s always a smart move when one manages one’s expectations. The guys congregate near the window to watch the cars zoom by and Shannon brings up to Tamra and Meghan that the Brooks/cancer/psychic story would not leave her mind and so she kinda sorta said something about it to Vicki and Tamra jumps in to say she said something to Vicki too. These bitches cannot keep a secret and Meghan would like to know why she’s the one getting the brunt of the blame for playing a perverse game of telephone with a bald shaman who drinks bourbon and claims that he can see the future.
Since Tamra’s future does not immediately involve getting her teeth kicked in by both Vicki and a guy who I’m guessing probably does have cancer, she has decided to devote her time to real estate. She hasn’t been an active agent in five years, but CUT Fitness is two years old and no longer needs her new or her old nipples to nurture it, so she is back in the selling-houses game and she has to sell three homes in six months to snag the job she wants. In less stressful news, Ryan and Sarah are definitely moving back to Orange County and I’m sure Tamra will not become involved in their lives in a way that causes even a single second of conflict because Tamra is nothing if not a healer. Well, she might also be kind of a liar – so she’s a lying healer – because she’s not telling her husband that they are bankrolling her son’s move, but she’s only keeping the truth from him so she doesn’t have to hear him question her and if that’s not a good reason to lie, I don’t know what is.
Over at Shannon’s house, she and her kids are painting in what I think is The Craft Room, and Shannon is excited that the stilted banter she shares with her husband as her kids doodle flowers illustrates just how far her marriage has come. Then she says, “Our children have been through so much emotionally…” and that’s when I sucked in a great gulp of air and a part of me really believed that maybe she would finish that sentence by declaring, “…and that means I’m immediately ceasing my involvement in this ridiculous show so that my kids also won’t have to deal with me lying in a fake casket, falling into swimming pools drunk, and being ready to rip their father’s corneas out of his face with one lone hangnail for f*cking up one of the answers at Game Night!” Alas, the sentence did not end my way. But on the bight side, David kisses her hard on her cheek and neither one of them cries while it happens. This is progress.
And then it’s sunset and it’s time for Vicki and Brooks to hop on a boat for a dinner cruise, an excursion he planned. Vicki looks good and only almost falls overboard twice and then tells the waiter that this is her first birthday without her mother, and that is a horrible realization the first time you have it – and the second and the ninth – but my empathy for Vicki faded a little when Brooks started to say grace over the meal. It very much might be me here and I am willing to own that, but for some reason, watching this guy pray feels icky. Like, if Heather’s husband said grace, I might think it odd as it’s not something I see too often, but I wouldn’t feel shaky. I feel literal tremors watching Brooks bow his head and I think I might feel badly about having such a reaction and I will deal with my maybe-waves of guilt after I consider whether or not Vicki just dropped a hint that she thinks Meghan is having an affair. Oh, the intrigue!
Speaking of the maybe-but-I-doubt-it harlot, she is in Tamra’s car talking about real estate and then calmly deals with a quick change of subject when Tamra asks her if she is afraid to see Vicki at Heather’s house. “No, I’m not at all,” responds Meghan, and that right there is why I like her. What is there to be nervous about? Will Vicki scream? Yes. Will Shannon arrive with a painted vase filled with flowers that spell out “I’M CHARITABLE”? Very possibly. But what is there to actually be nervous about when Meghan hasn’t really done anything wrong besides not knowing that Tommy Lee is a drummer?
Another great recap, thanks! The thing that creeps me out about David and his affair is that he let or maybe even encouraged his side piece to befriend his wife. Seriously, that screams of hatred to me. PS I wish my husband came with perks.
I am a Gender Studies PhD student and cannot help but be drawn to this show. Thanks for the great recaps. They often have me laughing out loud and shaking my head in what I can only describe as simultaneous agreement and disgust. Your commentary about Meghan and Jim’s marriage is especially spot on. I hope she gets out of that soon.