Real Housewives of Orange County Recap – 8/24/15

August 24th, 2015 | 2 Comments | Posted in Uncategorized

And then it’s Shannon’s birthday and the entire family goes out to dinner. She has high hopes that this year her birthday will be filled with joy since last year her husband was off having that affair she’s mentioned once or twice. Her expectations for this birthday aren’t high, she explains, but maybe it would be better if she got high because she sits down and it looks like her eyes are going to jump out of her skull and she immediately wonders aloud whether this burger pub is an appropriate place to dine with the children while questioning why does she not yet have her paws on a f*cking drink yet. Then David’s toast includes the words, “It’s my fault,” and the kid who hates her says, “I feel some tension between you guys,” and so Shannon insists that she’s just fine even as her eyes fill with tears and cameras that don’t have to be there continue to roll. Just to make it all even better, her short ribs arrive and they’re riddled with fat and then she tells us that last year on her birthday she and David had sex and he later told her that after they were intimate, he left their house and went and slept with the other woman and maybe anecdotes like that help explain the reason Shannon looks like she might fall down face first and cry into the yummy-looking cake that she won’t even nibble from.

In happier relationship news, Terry once had crabs. I’d forgive him for that way more easily than forgiving him for always wearing that black leather jacket.

Then the big event of the episode arrives, the one where they all have to be stuffed into one location together. Heather is excited to have a luncheon at the construction site of her new compound and Vicki arrives and announces her intention is to ignore what Meghan said about Brooks and to kill her with kindness, which I think we all know means “kill her with a salad fork.” Still, I appreciate the stab at misdirection here, if only for the narrative flow.

Heather leads the group around and shows them the site of her future luggage room and all eighteen bathrooms and the butler’s kitchen and the tour ends at a table where they sit down for lunch. All of the women nibble at some quinoa and tell Tamra that she has to let Eddie know that she just paid for her son’s deposit, but the real action is going down at the other side of the table where Meghan is thanking Shannon for making a call to her doctor so Hayley’s mother can see him. While Shannon is making it clear that she didn’t do all that much to help Meghan so Vicki won’t maul her in the butler’s pantry, Vicki is on the other side of the table doing her very best to read lips because she is pretty sure she saw the syllables for “cancer” being formed by Meghan’s lips, and if the cape Vicki is wearing gives her any superpower, it’s being able to sense when thirty year olds are discussing diseases. But she doesn’t have to keep reading lips when Meghan addresses her directly about what the psychic said and Vicki responds by throwing up her hands to thank Jesus for Brooks being cured before drifting down from her Godly plane to tell Meghan that if she ever questions Brooks again, she will take her down. As the rest of the guests’ eyes bulge, Meghan asks if she can explain herself and says that she was asking Brooks about his treatment, to which Vicki busts in to say that Meghan doesn’t care about Brooks and that they should both thank God that neither of them has cancer and if Meghan was a Christian, she would be praying at this very second. After a beat so the crazy gets to settle in nicely, Meghan explains that Christianity has nothing to do with this and that’s when Pastor Vicki shrieks, “Of course it does! God has the answers!” and this settles it: I’m now an atheist.

But before I officially make a change to my religion (are there forms I have to fill out?), first I need to think about what will go down when it comes out that it hasn’t just been Meghan talking about Brooks and his treatments. Instead it appears that maybe the others were questioning how much Vicki really knows about the logistics of Brooks’ situation – but Vicki will deal with that later. Because now it’s time for her to wag her finger in Meghan’s face and scream, “You don’t get involved!” to which Meghan responds that Vicki gets involved in her life and spouts opinions about how Meghan and Jim are raising Hayley. Devastatingly, it turns out that a caped version of Vicki also lacks the ability to deal with a dispute effectively because this is what she says to Meghan next: “You know what? You need to go away. You’re a little girl. You need to go away and get a big-girl job. Shut up,” because Vicki is a big girl with a big-girl vocabulary, but then Meghan brings it on home by saying back, “You’re just an old woman who is pissed off and bitter at the world so you shut up.” Shannon – who didn’t blink once while Vicki insulted Meghan – murmurs “wow” at Meghan’s words and Heather looks saddened that this is all going down and Tamra leans back in her chair and looks terrified and tries to remember if Heather mentioned where the emergency exits were in that f*cking mansion because sh*t’s about to get as real as Brooks’ cancer might or might not be.

Nell Kalter teaches Film and Media at a school in New York. She is the author of the books THAT YEAR and STUDENT, both available on amazon. Check out her website at Her twitter is @nell_kalter.

2 thoughts on “Real Housewives of Orange County Recap – 8/24/15

  1. Another great recap, thanks! The thing that creeps me out about David and his affair is that he let or maybe even encouraged his side piece to befriend his wife. Seriously, that screams of hatred to me. PS I wish my husband came with perks.

  2. I am a Gender Studies PhD student and cannot help but be drawn to this show. Thanks for the great recaps. They often have me laughing out loud and shaking my head in what I can only describe as simultaneous agreement and disgust. Your commentary about Meghan and Jim’s marriage is especially spot on. I hope she gets out of that soon.

Leave a Reply