Real Housewives of Orange County – 11/2/15

November 2nd, 2015 | No Comments | Posted in Uncategorized

Now that my prayer is complete, I suppose it’s time to get back to the only topic at hand for the night. “Are you scared of him?” inquires Andy softly. Vicki nods her head silently that yes, she is scared of Brooks. “Has he ever been physical with you?” Vicki insists that he never was, but that’s when Brianna and Tamra jump in to maintain that Vicki is lying and so she says, “He was more verbally abusive than physical.” Brianna insists that both she and her husband saw physical altercations between Brooks and Vicki, like the time he shook her violently by the shoulders in public so hard that her head was bobbing wildly front to back and this entire thing is so horrible that I cannot believe these people are willingly living these lives on television. Also, Brianna’s got herself quite a point when she says how f*cked up (those are my words…I’m running out of synonyms for this level of insanity) it is that she was taken to task for years for not liking this piece of human garbage.

And let’s not forget that after all of this – after alleging that she is afraid of him and that maybe he is lying about having a little thing like cancer – Brooks is the one who broke up with Vicki! Can we please get this woman off TV and into therapy quickly – and I’m not talking about f*cking Couples Therapy on VH1. She needs intensive sessions, time where a legitimate medical professional can delve into the kind of psychological muck that might potentially explain how Vicki was able to qualify her boyfriend recommending that her daughter get beaten as a “hiccup” in an otherwise blissful union.

Now it’s time for yet another sequence where all the women confront Vicki about how Brooks’ story is no longer gelling (I’m not sure how many more of these I can take), but this one ends with Vicki’s brother’s girlfriend throwing the affair into Shannon’s face at the baptism followed by the sound byte from Vicki where she states that Shannon got exactly what she deserved. I have to say this: I’m having a tough time here. I think Vicki is a total assh*le. I think she is selfish and needlessly loud and the kind of person who is always keeping track of what you’ve got compared to what she’s got. I think she is the kind of sad adult who can never be truly happy for a friend because she is plagued by a mental commentary of “why not me” that runs on a loop in her head. I actually stopped watching this show for about three years because I couldn’t stand Vicki the most in what was then a sea of incredibly unlikable women who I felt gave everyone with an X-chromosome a very bad rap. However, watching her go through all of these confrontations now does not bring me any joy. All I feel is that she is rather pitiful – as a friend, as a mother, and as a person. I’m still not positive that she really thinks that Brooks could have been lying to her this entire time despite all the evidence thrown her way and I think it now very probable that the guy has been threatening her for a good long time. And all of that is very sad, but I think I’m still judging her because of how doggedly she has judged everybody else and because she allowed all of this to appear on television in the first place.

Her choices make absolutely no sense to me, but that doesn’t really matter. In fact, the only thing that does matter is that Vicki is going to heaven! Halos aside, Shannon is still more concerned with being confronted by a relative stranger about the secrets of her marriage than Vicki’s proclamations (complete with a sweeping and pious hand gesture) about how she’s been saved and will one day live behind the pearly gates instead of the gates of Cota de Caza. Shannon is furious by that betrayal and Vicki tries to explain how her mindset created such a messed up scenario and she mentions again the grief of her mother passing and that her gut was off, but when she is asked what her gut is telling her now, she says that her instinct now is that Brooks does not have cancer. As for why she all but crucified (Vicki likes to be equated with religious imagery) the others for saying the exact same thing, her excuse is that she has just come to believe such a thing recently. Her turning point came about three months ago when she asked to see his reports and he wouldn’t show them to her but she kept quiet for reasons that now strike me as frightening.

“You seem disconnected,” Andy says to Vicki. He asks her if it’s the Xanax she took earlier that’s causing her not to behave like her typical shrewish self, but Brianna (who has her mother’s back more than her mother ever had hers) insists that it’s not medication that’s making Vicki act like a shell of a moron. Instead, it’s the dawning understanding setting in that a monster duped her. But Vicki’s doing better now. In fact, she hasn’t even called her daughter “a f*cking bitch” in two whole weeks!

I’m not quite sure I buy that Vicki actually feels the way she’s maintaining she feels. I don’t believe that she is glad Brooks is gone and I don’t believe that she thinks that Brooks really said anything disgusting and lecherous to or around Brianna. I don’t believe that she feels the most hurt by the fact that she has hurt her friends. What I do believe is that Vicki is a very sick woman who is trying to save face here and it might be worth noting that not one person on that couch actually thinks that Brooks and Vicki are done for good. When Brianna’ is asked if she thinks her mother is strong enough to stay away from the guy, she takes a beat and then quietly says no. Vicki’s reaction is to smile in a way I’m betting Brooks once told her was endearing and insist, “Yes I am,” and it’s maybe the most depressing four seconds I have ever seen on television because I think everyone, including Vicki, knows that she is entirely full of sh*t.

As they go to commercial break, the cameras keep rolling so we get to see just how fabulous the back of Heather’s dress is and Vicki and Tamra as they have a quick conference on the couch. “Don’t let him do this to you. Now is the time to say he lied,” says Tamra. She tells Vicki that she knew he was a piece of sh*t from the very first second she met him and Vicki proclaims that she is a good catch and Brooks doesn’t deserve her and then she calls out her undying love to Brianna in the way she wasn’t able to do in her own kitchen while her fabulous boyfriend bragged to her child about his amazing girth.

As the Reunion finally winds down, Andy wants to get some final thoughts from the women. Meghan had a great time and she wants to come back when she’s thirty-one. Heather is happy with all of her friendships, except for the one with Vicki. Shannon is hopeful about her marriage and her friendships but she’s disappointed with Vicki too. Tamra is optimistic that she and Vicki can get closer and she’s praying for her. And as for the medicated woman of the hour, Vicki is not in a good place. She’s very sad and she’s speaking in that muted voice she uses that I have always believed is more about garnering sympathy than coming from anywhere genuine. But on the bright side, she feels like she’s been baptized.

I sincerely hope heaven’s got a padded room.

Nell Kalter teaches Film and Media at a school in New York. She is the author of the books THAT YEAR and STUDENT, both available on amazon. Check out her website at Her twitter is @nell_kalter.

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