I helped somebody move this weekend, someone I care for almost desperately. And I watched as one lifetime was carted out of one doorway and loaded into a truck only to unceremoniously be dumped across an unknown threshold. Yes, there is a feeling of rebirth one can have as a brand new home is put together, but the past is always there. It appears suddenly in the glassware you used to drink from in the old house, the framed print you can’t quite find the ideal place for on a freshly painted wall so for now it’s been shoved deep inside a closet and the corner of the frame scrapes your shin every single time you lean in to pull out an item of clothing. With all of those upcoming tomorrows there comes a loss of yesterdays, and so I did the only thing I suppose I was able to do in the situation, which was try to nod as convincingly as I could as often as possible as a nonverbal method of indicating that … Continue reading →

It’s hard sometimes to figure out who you can make yourself root for, isn’t it? I mean, on the one hand, you’ve got someone who seems to have a rather tenuous relationship with the truth. There are scores of examples throughout the years that illustrate (at best) some colorful evasiveness and (at worst) some boldly bellowed lies. How can you feel comfortable putting your trust into a person so many people emphatically don’t trust? On the other side, though, stands a raving lunatic. The word “bombastic” comes to mind when this face graces the television screen. Every single time this person speaks, rage bursts out along with some spittle. Worse than having to wipe your cheek from all that airborne saliva is attempting to decipher what it is that’s even being said since apparently about 90% of this individual’s statements and proclamations are chronically misinterpreted. Don’t be silly! you’ll be told. Nobody was being insulted! Of course that thing that was said, the one that caused entire populations to cower in both fear and disgust, … Continue reading →

Before anyone loses their sh*t too completely because Meghan and Shannon did not immediately teleport themselves to a hospital in the desert so they could hold the hand of a wounded liar, allow us to consider some of the many reasons that perhaps prompted them not to go:

1. They needed time to make a casserole. 2. Meghan gazed deeply into her husband’s eyes, saw what she believed was a sparkle, and realized the glistening shimmer covering his pupils meant there was a possibility he was going to attempt to be kind to her for fifteen whole minutes that day. Since such an event happens less frequently than an eclipse, there was no way she was gonna miss it to go hang out with Vicki f*cking Gunvalson. 3. Shannon – though she was blessedly not a passenger on the Vomit RV to Hell where some sh*t-talking about her vow renewal ceremony went down – knows Vicki well enough to realize how emphatically not happy Vicki is that Shannon’s life is improving and therefore doesn’t want … Continue reading →