That’s about it. We return to the snowy slopes of Whistler, where Vic has actually brushed her hair for once! The next two minutes are the best she’s looked all season. Vic’s wearing an age appropriate black long-sleeved dress with detachable fur cuffs, as she demonstrates for Tammy, who enters for a visit after ringing the suite’s doorbell relentlessly. I can’t say I’ve ever stayed in a hotel with doorbells. Tammy thinks Vic’s “turning into one of them” with her “costume”. Who’s them? Only Gretch wears costumes as far as I can tell. Well, I guess Assy does too sometimes.
Anyway, Vic has simmered down a bit and is a little embarrassed for having lost her shiitake all over the bunny hill, although she’s still outraged that Lauri would stir things up with blatant lies that attack Vic’s morals, ethics, and integrity. I don’t really think fornicating around is an ethical issue, per se, unless you are a member of Congress, but Vic’s covering all the values bases I suppose. Anyway, she’s resolved to go into the rest of this trip only worried about herself. Famous last words.
Down the hall in Jem’s suite, Assy comes clickety clacking along for their own pre-dinner pre-party. Jem cannot believe the afternoon’s incident – “Canadian women would not have had a fight on a mountain about a threesome”. Never the Canadians. Lauri shows up in a ratty fur vest with nothing underneath to find out if she can still come to dinner after Vic disinvited her. But of course! Lauri explains that this whole disaster is really Gretch’s fault, because all Lauri did was react to something Gretch said in what seemed like a very staged conversation. Lauri admits she’s mad at Vic for having given Jeana a disparaging email about George from George’s former mother-in-law more than five years ago, which Jeana then went and spread around the whole Coto area. Is Lauri also mad at Jeana? I feel like I have seen them on WWHL at one time or another and they are cool. What all of this means is that Gretch is the only person not hanging out with anyone before dinner. Nobody likes her, everybody hates her, guess she’ll go try on wigs!
The gang convenes in a whole ‘nother suite for dinner, and Vic’s in the kitchen finding out what’s cooking because she just loooooves to cook. Which I think is a bunch of crap. When have we ever seen Vic cook anything? Reheating is not cooking. And by the way, what happened to Uncle Greg? Not a sign of the man to be seen. A reader asked last week what his appearance was all about and I assumed we’d find out this week. Not so much I guess. Anyway, with no Uncle Greg around Tammy gets to work trying to set Vic up with the chef. No thanks, says Vic – she loves herself more. Gretch gets the giggles as the Divinyls runs through her head (mine too). Vic announces that she’s all about her own best interests these days: she wants love, happiness, amazing friends, and great sex. GROSS. It is at this untimely moment that my middle son, age 7, materializes in the living room, and now he thinks I am watching porn.
Vic goes on to reminisce about what a classy, incredible, hooker-humping man Donn2 is/was, and Lauri jumps in to opine that she thinks perhaps he was too good to be true. Vic flashes her major side-eye but Lauri is not intimidated. Vic ups the ante by telling Lauri to shut up and that she’s a liar. Now we’re back on the topic that Vic doesn’t want to discuss further, but Lauri, Gretch, and Jem of all people are going to force the issue because Vic brought it up. Here we go.
Gretch’s word of the week last week was “philandering”; this week, it’s “ironic”. Gretch finds it either ironic or hypocritical, or both, that Vic’s all mad now that the shoe of philandering allegations is on her foot after what she made Gretch wear it while she was with the elderly Big Daddy, the late bearded Jeff. Meanwhile, Lauri’s still doggedly pursuing the threesome situation. There’s a whole lotta chirping and yapping before Vic announces that everyone is regurgitating throw up and no one likes regurgitated throw up. Isn’t that an oxymoron? Let’s ask Gretch. Vic spins the ball toward Tammy and wants to know why Gretch isn’t mad at Tammy anymore. Gretch says its because she and Tammy worked out their issues. Vic, on the other hand, doesn’t want to work out her issues with Gretch, but she doesn’t want Gretch to be allowed to go after her for her version of the same issues, either. To Gretch, this is Vic not taking responsibility. I think it’s Vic dismissing a pest she hasn’t got time for, personally.
Vic announces she wants to put the whole subject “under the carpet” for the remainder of the trip. Lauri isn’t so sure she can do that, because of the whole situation with the mother-in-law’s email. If Vic was so concerned with Lauri’s best interests, Lauri says, she would have told Lauri about it. Vic instead went to Jeana for advice, which Jeana ran with. Vic thinks this is really Jeana’s fault. Lauri thinks Vic is deflecting. Vic announces that dinner is over and the beaten horse is dead, dead, dead. Let’s hope.
Gretch makes Tammy stick around after Vic leaves and demands to know why they are still friends. Gretch seems to be one of those people who can’t be friends with you if you are friends with her, isn’t she? Very 6th grade drama. Tammy sighs that she’s trying to move forward with Vic, who is mad at Gretch that Gretch lied and hurt Tammy’s feelings about the dress situation and the made-up role on “Malibu Country”. Tammy feels she was played, Gretch insists she was trying to prevent a re-run of the gym party. Please, women. Can’t we let anyone fight their own battles here? Tammy has apparently decided that Gretch’s history of exaggeration has left her with an inability to believe anything Gretch says. Gawd.